Hayley Watkins is a Psychotherapeutic Counsellor and Transactional Analysis Specialist. Hayley will be holding an interactive discussion about what it means to be childless or childfree, and how we can all support each other in choosing and maintaining an alternative life path at our International Women’s Day Celebration on Saturday 8 March (Beira Room IP05, 12:30 – 13:15).
Can you tell us how the Cactus Childfree Therapy Group came about?
I started the Cactus Childfree Therapy Group because I’m passionate about doing things differently. Parenthood is treated as one of the “next logical steps”: find a partner, get engaged, get a dog/cat, take out a mortgage, marry, have kids. That life plan doesn’t work for everyone, but deviating from it makes many people uncomfortable. I want to do my bit to help ease the transition to accepting many different life paths, including those that don’t include children.
Could you explain the differences between childlessness and childfreedom?
A person is childless if they want children and either don’t have them yet or can’t have them. A person who is childfree doesn’t have children, and doesn’t want them either. I do feel there’s a crossover between the two, as some people who are childless may want to embrace a life without children rather than feeling they are going without.
What, if any, societal attitude changes have you seen towards women who chose not to have children since you have started your practice?
The UK is experiencing a stronger lean toward right-leaning political parties in recent years. Conservative outlooks often champion a traditional mindset, particularly about the idea that women should have children, whether we want them or not. On the ground, this doesn’t look particularly different than it did when I was much younger: our parents and grandparents tend to want us to have children and often seem to feel sad, even betrayed, if we don’t.
So far, the UK government remains much more coy about discouraging childfreedom than the governments of some other countries, but it is still very much worthwhile for women of all lifestyles, classes, and backgrounds to vote in favour of choice, not mandatory or strongly enforced parenthood.
What can women expect from your session at IWD on Saturday 8 March?
The opportunity to share their thoughts with one another. I will lead a process where everyone gets to talk. There will likely be a mix of childless, childfree, and undecided but curious, and I’ll encourage everyone to be safe and respectful as we discuss various aspects of this whole area of discussion.
Find out more about Cactus Counselling here.
